Anxiety’s Secret Job List: How to Lighten the Load

Anxiety is like having a second job to do list

By Marie Liddiard, Clinical Hypnotherapist & Psychotherapist | Asense Therapy, Buckinghamshire

Anxiety doesn’t always make itself obvious. It’s not always panic attacks or visible distress. For many people, anxiety is quiet and constant.

It’s the second-guessing. The mental planning. The pressure to stay in control and to never let anything slip It’s lying in bed replaying something you said six hours ago. It’s rehearsing conversations in your head long before they happen and worrying you still won’t get it right. It’s saying “yes” when you mean “no,” because the fear of disappointing someone feels bigger than your own needs. It’s needing everything to be “just so” because if one thing goes wrong, your whole day unravels.And all the while, life carries on meetings to attend, meals to make, people to support.

But beneath it all, anxiety is running a second job behind the scenes. A job with no breaks, no praise, and no finishing line. You get things done, you show up, you keep smiling and yet it feels like you're carrying an invisible weight no one else can see. By the end of the day, you’re not just tired — you’re emotionally and mentally drained, even if you can’t explain why.

This is anxiety’s secret workload. And the truth is, you’re not lazy, broken, or weak. You’re simply doing more than anyone realises including yourself!

Why Does Anxiety Feel So Heavy?

Anxiety is your brain’s built-in alarm system. It’s designed to protect you from danger keeping you alert and ready to act. But in today’s world, the threats are rarely physical. Instead, they’re emotional, social, or internal:What if I fail? What if I upset someone? What if I’m not enough?

Your brain doesn’t distinguish between real and perceived danger and your nervous system reacts the same either way.

Your body tightens. Your breathing changes. Your thoughts race ahead to what might go wrong.This constant state of hyper-alertness creates what I often call “anxiety’s secret job list”  a hidden mental workload that runs quietly in the background, often without you even realising.

It can include things like:-

Replaying conversations to check if you said the wrong thing,

Over-preparing for tasks others seem to breeze through.

Anticipating everyone else’s needs.

Holding yourself to impossible standards.

Struggling to rest, even when you’re exhausted

From the outside, you may look calm, capable  even thriving. People might admire how “together” you seem.But underneath that surface is someone constantly managing thoughts, emotions, and fears  silently, and alone.And that kind of invisible effort takes a toll.When your nervous system is stuck in a heightened state, the effects are not just emotional.

Anxiety can manifest physically too — in poor sleep, chronic fatigue, digestive issues, brain fog, irritability, and a constant sense that you’re “not coping,” even when you're functioning, it can feel like rest never quite reaches you, because your mind never truly switches off.

The truth is, anxiety can feel like a full-time job that no one trained you for. But with the right support, it is possible to retrain your mind and body — to shift out of survival mode and into something more balanced, calm, and sustainable. You don’t have to carry it all on your own. There is another way and it starts with understanding, not pressure.

Six Gentle Ways to Lighten Anxiety’s Load

1. Name the Second Job

The first step is recognising when your anxiety is running the show. Try gently naming it: “This is anxiety trying to protect me.” That small moment of awareness creates space between you and the thought and space gives you options.

2. Lower the Bar (With Kindness)

Perfectionism feeds anxiety. It tells you that everything must be done flawlessly or you’ve failed. Instead, try this: “What would it look like to do this at 70% instead of 100%?” “Good enough” is often more than enough and it’s much more sustainable.

3. Take Something Off Your Plate

When everything feels too much, give yourself permission to do a little less. Let something go even if it’s small. You don’t need to earn your rest. Saying “not right now” to just one thing can make room for calm.

4. Be Curious Instead of Critical

When anxiety hits, it’s easy to slip into self-blame. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” try: “What is this anxiety trying to protect me from right now?” This gentle reframe turns judgement into understanding — and understanding is where healing begins.

5. Let Your Body Help You Feel Safe

Your body can ground you when your mind feels overwhelmed. Try a few sensory grounding techniques:-

Press your feet firmly into the floor. Notice the contact between your feet and the floor, the way it supports you without asking anything in return. You might even say to yourself, “I am here. I am grounded.” This simple action sends a signal of safety to your nervous system.

Hold something textured or cool. Find a comforting object perhaps a cool stone, a textured cushion, or even the fabric of your sleeve. Let your focus rest on how it feels in your hand. Is it soft? Rough? Smooth? Cold? Engaging the senses helps shift your mind away from anxious thoughts and into the here and now.

Breathe slowly into your belly. Place one hand on your chest and one on your stomach. Breathe in gently through your nose, letting the breath fill your belly rather than your chest. Then exhale slowly through your mouth. Try to make the out-breath slightly longer than the in-breath. This type of breathing activates the calming side of your nervous system and can help reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety.

Look around and name 5 things you can see. Slowly scan your surroundings and name five things out loud or in your mind. It could be as simple as “chair, plant, light, book, sky.” This exercise helps bring your attention out of your head and into your environment, a gentle reminder that you are safe in this moment.

6. Challenge the Invisible To-Do List

Anxiety often assigns extra jobs no one asked of you: Keep everyone happy, anticipate every possible issue, always be 'on'. Pause and ask: “Is this my responsibility… or is this anxiety talking?” You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to rest. And you are allowed to stop trying to do it all.

Final Thoughts

Living with anxiety can feel like you’re always working  even when you’re resting. But with the right support, you can start to quiet the noise, soften the pressure, and feel more grounded in your day-to-day life.

In my practice, I use a blend of psychotherapeutic techniques, including counselling, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and clinical hypnotherapy. This flexible, integrative approach allows us to work together in a way that feels tailored, gentle, and deeply effective always at your pace.

Whether you’re feeling emotionally overloaded, stuck in cycles of overthinking, or just ready for life to feel lighter, I’m here to help. If you'd like to explore what support could look like, feel free to contact me for a confidential, no-pressure conversation.